I wanted to share a quote from Buddha for my first #MotivationMonday. The world could always use a little extra love.
In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you loved, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.
I hope this week fills your soul with happiness, comfort, and purpose.
This week’s practice
This week, I ask that you take five minutes each day to meditate on a particular moment where you felt love. Acknowledge that feeling and thank its source. Was it from a kind word or gesture from a family member, friend, colleague, or a complete stranger? Was it from the pure bliss of a nice day or a happy pet? Did you do something good for another? Take some time to really feel the love.
Have you ever had one of those friends you could go weeks, months, or years without seeing or talking to, but when you’re reunited it’s like time never happened? That was Sam.
Samantha and I grew up together, from Girl Scouts, through young adulthood and beyond, she was there for me. She introduced me to my love of the Dr. Mario video game, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, and late night movies (even though she always fell asleep before the end). She taught me that it was okay to like country music, watch NASCAR, and stand up for what you believe in despite what others may think of you (to a middle school girl trying to fit in, this was crazy talk!).
We spent countless nights laughing until our faces hurt trying to navigate our lives the best we could. In our minds, we had forever to explore the world and live our dreams for the future together as friends.
I trusted and admired her with my whole being. Through the bullies and joys, heartbreaks and triumphs, we were there for each other, always. I could always count on her.
I couldn’t hold back my excitement (or tears) when Sam married the love of her life in the sweetest backyard ceremony. I saw the mutual love and respect they had for each other as they gazed into each other’s eyes that day. They didn’t need it all, they just needed each other and that was enough. Sam’s husband and his children loved her the way she deserved to be loved, and gave her the greatest gift: becoming a wife and mother. I’ll never be able to put into words what that meant to me and how thankful I was, especially now.
In the early morning hours of March 22, 2020, Sam passed away peacefully in her sleep. When I got the call, it felt like my heart was ripped from my chest. The phone slipped from my hand and I wept, uncontrollably. I begged for it not to be true as I tried to understand this new reality. I felt completely and utterly alone. Like she knew, my sweet pup let me cry into her fur until I couldn’t anymore. I wasn’t prepared to say goodbye to one of the truest friends I’d ever know. But then again, who really is?
Sam was such a sweet, beautiful soul. She was caring, grounded, loyal, strong, smart, spunky, loving, outgoing, charismatic, trustworthy, honest, and so much more. She knew how to make me laugh with her personality and wit. Her baking was out of this world (I don’t think I’ll ever have a gluten-free cupcake as good as hers). Her smile lit up rooms and warmed the hearts of those she met. She always put others before herself and loved openly and unconditionally, and I was lucky enough to call her my friend.
Right now, I’m not afforded the physical comfort of being surrounded by those who loved Sam (thanks COVID-19). Because of this, I felt that the universe was not only forcing me to say goodbye too soon, but to also process such tragedy on my own. It took me some time to realize that although I felt alone, I was never mourning alone. My mourning heart becomes closer to others as we relish over the memories, photos, and conversations we not only shared with Sam, but with each other now as we remember her spirit.
People can be so wonderfully supportive when hearts are heavy and minds are weary.
I truly believe that Sam is closer to each of us now than ever before. I believe this because I can feel her beating in my chest when I need to be brave, and in the text messages and phone calls offering a safe space to expel the drowning emotions that come with loss.
My heart, thoughts, and prayers are with Sam’s family; her parents, brother and sister-in-law, her husband and step-children, her grandmother, the numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and her animals that she loved so much. They all mean so much to me, and I won’t ever truly understand what they are going through. Sam left emptiness in her wake, and I hope that, as her mother stated, “we can draw on [her] strength to help us learn to carry on” without her. Thank you, all, for letting me have Sam in my world. It will never be the same, but it is better because she was in it.
Thank you, Sam, for being my friend. I wish I could hug you one more time. Until I see you again, I’m loving you always.
personal breathing space 