Today, my heart is heavy, crying, broken.
Today, my ears are wishing for laughter, jubilance, triumph, and relief.
Today, my eyes are searching for kindness, generosity, compassion, and support.
Today, my soul is begging for understanding, acceptance, empathy, and change.
Today, I’m yearning for happiness, light, comfort, and peace.
Today, I am not okay. We are not okay.
It’s not okay that we are not okay.
Love. Let more love in.
I have always loved horses. I love their power, their grace, and their faces. When I was 11, my parents embraced my childhood adoration and signed me up for horseback riding lessons. My heart melted when I was introduced to the handsome lesson horse that would change my life as I knew it.
Gordon was a chestnut brown quarter horse with an attitude, but he was an excellent teacher. He knew when to challenge his rider and when to encourage them, and he did it all at his own pace and in his own style. Gordon and I were both stubborn and strong-willed (which might be why we worked so well together) and loved each other with every ounce of our existence. When I fell off, he stood beside me until I got up. When he was scared, I did my best to be his courage. I felt divided when I wasn’t with him, and my best when I was. It was undeniable that our bond was strong and unique, and that it only made sense for me to have him. My heart chose him and his chose mine.
Now, nearly two decades later, I have no doubt that Gordon is, by every definition, my heart horse.
What is a heart horse? Let me try to explain.
Heart horses are rare and special. Some believe that heart horses are created for the sole purpose of making a specific person whole. They may not be incredibly beautiful, or experienced, or smart, but there is just something about that one horse that makes you feel complete. They challenge you, teach you, and reward you in just the right way and at just the right time. The bond is so strong that sometimes it physically hurts to imagine a life without them.
My heart horse taught me how to be patient, humble, and gentle, but also how to think on my toes and to be tough. He taught me the importance of staying calm and collected in stressful situations (colic, escapes, stitches, and beyond). He continues to teach me what it means to love unconditionally, that change is okay, and how to live in the moment.
While some equestrians will never find their heart horse, I was lucky enough to not only find mine, but to spend more than half of my life with him. Gordon has happily munched on hay, rolled in the grass, and made me laugh at my family’s barn for the past 19 years.
He’s an old man now and will be turning 32 in October (that’s around 96 in human years!). Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when I see his gray hairs or his rigid movements as his joints stiffen with age. I try to breathe deeply during these moments and remember what a wonderful life we’ve already shared together and what we have to look forward to despite whatever amount of time I still have with him. I’ll forever be grateful to the universe for bringing the two of us together, and allowing me to learn these important life lessons that only he could teach me.
Have you been blessed by a heart horse or other animal?
All photos featured in this blog post, except for the featured photo, were taken by the incredibly talented ReBecca from ReBecca’s Photography. Learn more.
During the quarantine, I’ve been watching A LOT of competitive baking shows on Netflix; Sugar Rush, Nailed It!, The Great British Baking Show, Zumbo’s Just Desserts, they’re all lusciously fantastic and I can’t get enough!
Do I really need a reason to love competitive baking shows? No. But there are definitely clear indicators as to why I find so much enjoyment from these shows.
Even growing up, I loved shows like Unsolved Mysteries, American Idol, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Cash Cab, Deadliest Catch, So You Think You Can Dance, What Not to Wear, Say Yes to the Dress, Diners, Drive Ins and Dives, Pawn Stars, the list goes on (and on). Even if the show was predicable, worthless, or otherwise a waste of time, I still loved following the stories, witnessing (and sometimes experiencing) the cast’s emotions, and being able to talk about it with friends who enjoyed similar programming as much as I did.
I. Love. Food. Textures, flavors, all of it. I am in no way a professional (or even good) cook, but I appreciate the creativity and unique flavor combinations culinarians incorporate when crafting clever and delicious dishes. Not only that, but I also adore humble, stick-to-your-insides, homegrown grub. With really good food, you’re senses are not only flooded with the physical attributes of the food, but you can taste the passion, patience, and love put into it.
There’s a true science behind great food, and the people behind those delectable dishes are magicians, which is why I scour review sites, ask locals for dining recommendations, and try to avoid chain restaurants at all costs when I travel (although seeing how chain restaurants differ depending on it’s geographic location is interesting). I visited Northampton, MA to see a show at the Calvin Theatre and dined at a highly reviewed and recommended Italian restaurant, Mulino’s. I was too busy enjoying the absolutely incredible food that I didn’t even take photos!
I look for dishes unique to a particular area, region, or country in an attempt to experience what the natives get to enjoy regularly. In New York City, you can’t skip pizza or a hot dog from street carts, and you are required to go to Anchor Bar or Duff’s Famous Wings in Buffalo for (the best) buffalo chicken wings. In Australia, I tried a kangaroo burger. In Italy, it was all about the pizza and pasta (FYI – spaghetti and meatballs are not a thing in Italy, and neither is alfredo sauce). In Ireland, I made sure to indulge in traditional Irish scones, cocktails, and Guinness (of course, even though I’m not a beer drinker). With each new dish and flavor, I learn more about the area’s culture and the people residing there. Just sitting in a coffee shop listening to the locals is intriguing and stimulating in itself.
I learn so much about the competitors and their cultures while watching baking shows, even though I’m not physically in attendance (but how awesome would that be?!). For example, The Great British Baking Show and Zumbo’s Just Desserts take place in Great Britain and Australia, respectively. Often, competitors pull inspiration and flavors for their dishes from where they’re from (like India, from the latest collection I’ve been watching) or where they’ve been. Competitors use ingredients I’ve never heard of and use terminology that is unfamiliar to me, and I love it.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s ice cream, a fruity cocktail, cake, cookies, fruit, or any other delectably sweet treat, you will never need to ask me twice if I’m interested. In my opinion, the sweeter the better! Bonus points if it has dark chocolate, which is not only my favorite chocolate, but arguably the best one for you, right? I swear I read that somewhere 😉
Naturally, my aptitude for sweets makes my mouth water that much more while watching these baking shows. The sad parts though: There’s no deliciously sweet aroma floating through the air, and there is no taste testing (this is the part when I get envious of the judges!). Where’s Willy Wonka’s WonkaVision when you need it?
Ultimately, I watch competitive baking shows because they make me happy, and there is no need for any other reason. I allow myself to completely immerse into the show and into the places of the competitors. Their dreams, passion, creativity, and determination are palpable; it’s fascinating, terrifying, and inspiring all at the same time. I share in the elation of those who successfully complete a challenge or win the competition, and in the sorrow and defeat of others as they must walk away. I look forward to what I will learn during each episode, whether it’s vocabulary, a technical skill, or a new person to follow on Instagram (if you haven’t already, give my blog a follow on Instagram). Mostly though, I delight in seeing the competitors’ creations come to fruition, following their process, cheering them on, and watching them grow.
I’m saddened when a season or show comes to an end. Thankfully though, there are many more seasons and episodes of competitive baking shows to help satisfy my sweet tooth and my appetite. Bon Appétit!
One of my favorite units in grade school was the Monarch Butterfly unit. My classmates and I learned about metamorphosis and the life cycles of insects. We watched our temporary class caterpillar pets chomp on milkweed and climb up the side of their butterfly habitat to form their chrysalis. Days later, we would watch in awe as each emerged as a beautiful, delicate butterfly, and we’d released them in the school flower garden when they were strong enough to fly.
A couple years ago, I recreated this project after I found a caterpillar near my apartment. Looking back on it now though, I was so excited to see a brand new butterfly that I completely ignored the profound changes it was going through; they make it all look so easy. It reminded me of a quote by Maya Angelou,
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.“
So often we get caught up in the glamor and glory of the “endgame,” and we forget the importance of the process. Why don’t we naturally love it just as much as the outcome? Change takes time; it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes work, determination, and the right mindset. It takes patience, acceptance, and the ultimate understanding that the process is often times more astounding than the beauty of the outcome. Change is inevitable, but it’s not as easy as the caterpillar makes it seem. Enjoy the ride; look forward to the beauty of the endgame, but don’t forget to acknowledge and appreciate the challenges of the transformation.
This week, I hope you take some time to acknowledge the importance of whatever changes you are working through. Not only that, but appreciate the importance and beauty of the process of making those changes. With every change comes growth and opportunity. Don’t waste it!
Mornings have always been hard for me. Quite frankly, I’m a grouch until 10-11 a.m. regardless of the number of hours I slept. “Happy” is the last thing I would consider myself feeling, and anyone who knows me would agree (although they might just be scared to say otherwise for fear of my inner grouch rearing it’s ugly head).
Unfortunately, my adopted pup, Erin, doesn’t understand this.
She wakes me every morning no later than 6 a.m. to start our day. Granted, 6 a.m. probably doesn’t seem that bad, but for someone who struggles with mornings as much as I do, it makes my heart hurt.
I tried snoozing my energetic, furry alarm but resistance was futile.
Coffee helps to take the edge off, but it isn’t quite enough to satisfy my inner grouch. I didn’t like how I felt; I knew I had to turn my frown upside down as quickly as possible.
Erin loves going for walks, as many dogs do, so I started taking her on 30-minute walks around our neighborhood every morning to try to make up for my terrible attitude. Erin was able to explore and release some of her pent up, overnight energy, and I noticed that I was reaping benefits of my own.
Walking is good for your health. Thirty minutes of brisk walking daily can improve and maintain your overall health, including improving cardiovascular fitness, enhancing muscle strength, and reducing excess body fat. Additionally, walking can help ease stress, reduce anxiety, and boost your mood (a.k.a. happiness!). I’ve experienced this first-hand. After walking regularly for a couple weeks, I noticed that I wasn’t as grouchy in the morning, generally happier throughout the day, and actually looked forward to our walks. I even shed a few pounds! Note: Please consult with your doctor before beginning any exercise regimen.
Walking is free. Since being unemployed, I’ve prioritized low-cost alternatives to things that I would consider purchasing if my situation was different; no gym memberships or streaming services for me!
Walking doesn’t require any special knowledge or training, and very little equipment; a decent pair of walking shoes or sneakers will do the trick!
Walking is flexible. Walking is a weight-bearing but low impact exercise which can be done for any length of time and at any pace. This makes walking an appropriate form of exercise for almost anyone regardless of fitness level. You can walk whenever and almost wherever you’d like (no trespassing, please), which makes it easy to integrate into a busy schedule. You can dedicate a set amount of time or distance to walk, like I do in the morning, or easily add extra steps into your day by taking the stairs instead of an elevator, parking farther away from a store’s entrance, or walking around the house while on the phone or brushing your teeth. However, if you are concerned or have a medical condition, PLEASE consult with your doctor before beginning any other exercise regimen.
Walking is a social distancing-approved activity. Normally, you could walk with friends or with a walking group, but social distancing has significantly limited our ability to do so. However, walking can be done individually, and you may find that you actually enjoy the time to yourself. I enjoy the quiet and use that time to outline my goals for the day, practice mindfulness, and enjoy time with my pup. If you can’t stand the idea of walking alone, consider popping in ear buds with your favorite playlist or call a friend to chat.
Obviously, walking has its benefits. I’d encourage you to experiment with walking and see if it helps to elevate your happiness as it has mine. It’s become something I enjoy so much that I’ve added an evening walk to my routine as well!
To build upon the inherent happiness-boosting properties of walking, I’d recommend the following:
Whether you are in great shape or just starting out, walking has the potential to help you, body and mind. I hope you consider these tips helpful and encouraging.
Do you walk (or run) regularly? What are your tips for happier, more successful sessions?
I like reading. I take joy in experiencing the words come to life as my mind wanders to another place and time. I revel in the sense of peace and relaxation that reading brings to me, so I decided on New Year’s 2019 to make reading a priority and resolved to read at least one book every month.
I compiled a list of works I wanted to read, from fiction classics, to self-help, non-fiction, and beyond, and created a Goodreads account to track my progress. I’m happy (and proud) to say that I kept that resolution (I know, right?!), and plan to continue reading at least one book a month (but hopefully more) for 2020. If you’d like to see what I’m currently reading, find me on Goodreads or scroll down to the bottom of this website.
Earlier this month I finished Girl, Wash Your Face, by Rachel Hollis. I was captivated by her storytelling and admired how vulnerable she was in her writing. She invited readers into her world as friends. Her fun, conversational, tone and raw exposure made her relatable, which kept bringing me back for more.
Rachel based each chapter in her book on a lie women have either told themselves or have been told by others. She shared what she learned through her own real-life experiences and offered advice and techniques to help her readers navigate similar situations. It was enlightening; I learned a lot about myself and the lies I believed while reading it. It took me only two days to finish, cover to cover.
There was one quote in particular that struck a chord with me. In the final pages of chapter 15, Hollis says,
“I don’t believe everything happens for a specific reason, but I do believe it’s possible to find purpose – event in the absence of explanation.” – Rachel Hollis
Throughout my life, I have consistently (and maybe convincingly) told myself that everything I experience happens for a reason. When I was laid off, I told myself that it happened for a reason, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened at all. After reading this quote though, I feel that maybe being laid off and self-quarantining didn’t happen for a specific reason, but it encouraged me to take the time to find my purpose.
I’ve accepted that I won’t discover my purpose overnight. Maybe I would live a more enriching life if I knew, but I am doing my best to keep my heart open and mind clear until I do. Isn’t it interesting how a single sentence can have such impact?
Have you recently read any books that got you thinking, like Rachel’s book did for me?
*Special thank you to Anjali from Blogger’s Bookshelf for this post’s cover photo. Check our her post reviewing Girl, Wash Your Face.
Happy Monday! I’d like to share another quote from Buddha for this week’s #MotivationMonday. This quote speaks about the power of truth and kindness; both are free, so why don’t we use them more often?
When words are both kind and true, they can change our world.
I hope this week brings you words of kindness from unexpected places.
This week, I’d like to ask you to use five minutes of each day to meditate on using words as a vehicle for kindness, friendship, and support. Consider especially, opportunities where kindness will be needed, but difficult to express. Difficult times, and difficult people, are the often the most in need of kindness.
I bought a pair of earrings when I was in Reykjavík, Iceland last November from the Rammagerdin gift shop inside Perlan. I loved the contrast between the cool silver hoop and the raw lava rock, and how it reflected Iceland’s landscape. I thought the accessory was sweet, delicate, and it totally complemented my sense of style. There was no question, I had to have them.
I wore them as often as I could until the inevitable happened, I lost one (I bet this isn’t the first time you’ve heard that, and I can almost guarantee that it won’t be the last).
I was distraught. I retraced my steps. I called the offices and businesses I visited that day hoping that someone might have found it and turned it in. I combed through receipts from my time in Reykjavík looking for a clue to find another pair. I looked online for another set to purchase. Every effort came up short.
As I put the lone survivor in my jewelry cabinet I tried to accept that I wouldn’t find its partner and wrestled with the idea of not wearing the set again. I thought about my Motivation Monday post from earlier this week and what I loved about the accessory. Then it hit me: It wasn’t the earrings themselves that I loved.
I loved the earrings because of how they made me feel and how they reminded me of how special my trip was.
Those earrings represented an extraordinary trip with my mother, grandmother, and family friend. We laughed, got lost, and enjoyed each others’ company as we experienced the wonders of Iceland (and Ireland) together. Thinking about the experiences we had, the people we met, and (of course) the food we ate brought me happiness, and every time I wore those earrings those feelings returned.
I realized that I didn’t need to have a pair of earrings to remind myself of the trip and continue feeling that happiness. I decided to take my own advice and redirect my energy into something creative and productive.
Instead of obsessing that I no longer had a pair of earrings to wear, I added a chain to the remaining earring and made it into a necklace.
It still reminds me of my travels and gives me the same feelings of excitement and happiness I had when it was an earring. It still represents Iceland, I can still wear it as often as I’d like, it still complements my style, and I still love it. Let’s just hope I don’t lose this, too!
Happy (day after) Easter! 🐰
It can be easy to get caught up in things we can’t control, especially nowadays as events are cancelled, non-essential businesses are closed, and social distancing is commonplace. It’s easy for the negativity monster to sneak in, manipulate you, and drain your energy without you knowing until it’s too late.
This week’s motivation is taken from Roy T. Bennet’s book, The Light in the Heart:
“Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.”
Don’t let uncontrollable circumstances consume you. Instead, intentionally shift your mindset away from what you can’t control and redirect your energy into something productive. For example, instead of fixating on your inability to order your favorite dish from a local restaurant that’s closed due to quarantine (something beyond your control), try recreating it in your own kitchen (or support local business and get takeout if it’s available). Just like that, you’ve repurposed your energy into a creative and productive response! Just think of all we could accomplish if we didn’t dwell on the things we couldn’t control!
This week, I hope you begin to learn that we will never be able to control everything. I hope you learn to recognize any negative energy that is brought into your space as a result of this, acknowledge and accept the subsequent feelings, breathe deeply, and redirect your energy toward something positive and productive, even if it is only temporarily.
What is the biggest challenge you faced last week? How did it affect your energy?
Anyone who knows me knows how much I LOVE holidays. I look froward to just about every one for its own reason. Well, Halloween not so much because I’m a fraidy-cat, but I do my best.
I won’t be gathering with my family to celebrate Easter due to the quarantine, so I know first-hand how hard it is to look forward to the holiday. However, I’ve found ways to include some of my family’s Easter traditions at my home to help keep my spirits up. Here are five ways to lift your Easter spirit:
By far, the quickest and easiest way to get me into the spirit for any holiday is by decorating, and my favorite Easter decoration is the Easter Tree. I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve had several decorated Easter trees, in addition to my other decor, scattered around my house for nearly three weeks now.
Growing up, my family and I would find a bare tree limb (no more than three feet long), stick it base-first into a 5-gallon bucket, and decorate it with ornaments, ribbon, or whatever we had available. Now, the creative possibilities are endless! Check out these 25 DIY Easter Tree Ideas from Country Living and you’ll see what I mean.
Don’t be afraid to do a simple Google search to find hundreds, if not thousands, of other creative and homemade decor ideas, too!
Coloring Easter eggs has always been one of my favorite Easter traditions. It taught me a lot about the beauty of patience; I still struggle waiting for the eggs to sit in the color cups long enough to embody that rich color. It’s a fun activity at any age and offers a creative outlet which can be especially helpful in isolation.
Egg dying kits are typically available at your local grocery store, but if you can’t or weren’t able to pick up a kit, McCormick has a great web page dedicated to all things Easter egg. You could also use markers, crayons, or paper to create your egg-cellent masterpieces.
Just because you don’t have anywhere to go, doesn’t mean you can’t dress in your Sunday best, right? Pick something out of your closet that makes you feel great, and wear it around the house. Your mood will improve and you’ll feel more confident; who doesn’t want more of that in their life? Take it up a notch and do your hair and makeup too. Show yourself a little self love and pamper yourself a bit; you deserve it! In fact, have the whole family get dressed up and have an Easter parade through your living room!
Yes, an Easter movie. Christmas movies, and even Halloween movies outnumber Easter movies by far, but there are still a few that are sure to please. My personal favorites are The Easter Bunny is Coming to Town (1977) and Here Comes Peter Cottontail (1971) (I’m a sucker for family-friendly movies in this style), but if you’re looking for something a bit more modern or religious, check out Oprah’s 25 Best Easter Movies to Keep the Entire Family Entertained for inspiration.
Technology has gifted us with more digital avenues to connect with people than ever before. Skype, FaceTime, Google Hangout, Facebook Live, and House Party, and Zoom are just a few video platforms available for free. Find a platform that works for your family and friends (make sure you all have an account if it is needed), set a time, and meet up for dinner! Chat, laugh, and play games, just like you would in person.
Despite the quarantine, social distancing, and overall trauma the world is currently facing, we still have much to be grateful for. After you decorate, color eggs, or watch an Easter movie, I hope you find time to meditate on this holiday, and find gratitude in whatever circumstance you might be facing. For me, Easter celebrates the resurrection of Christ, the importance of family, and the welcoming of bright colors and warmer weather. Especially now, I also feel that Easter represents positivity, change, and strength for the months ahead.
How will you be celebrating this year?
Happy Easter, my friends 🐰
personal breathing space 