Category: Gratitude

Gratitude, Happiness, Self Love

Five things I learned in 2020

Amanda

To put it plainly, 2020 was ROUGH.

If someone had asked me 365 days ago what 2020 would look like, I never would have predicted this. I never dreamed that I would live through a pandemic that would require physical distance in order to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. I never dreamed I’d see memes of dogs demonstrating how to properly wear a face covering. It all just seems so bizarre, looking through the lens of early 2019.

COVID forced us to take a good, hard, look at ourselves, and our world. It challenged us to evaluate our lifestyles and navigate what has become our “new normal.” Despite the trauma, uncertainty, and despair of this year, I was incredibly blessed with so many lessons learned. If I were to write about ALL of the lessons 2020 taught me we’d be here for ages, but there were a few that were particularly impactful for me.

1. I learned not to take my job for granted.

I learned early on that life is unpredictable, so I’ve always tried to take nothing, especially people, for granted. Like many others this year, I experienced loss. However I can find comfort in knowing that I did my best to express my appreciation, adoration, and love for them whenever and however I could. But I failed to expand this practice beyond family and friends until this year.

If you’ve followed me from the beginning, you know that this blog was launched as a way to help me navigate life being laid off as a result of COVID.

I never thought I would be laid off. I worked hard and supported many departments, but in this case, it didn’t matter.

I found myself relying on federal aid, and it was terrifying. I had just closed on a house and my savings had dwindled. I hadn’t solidified my new budget, but I knew that federal aid wouldn’t be enough to cover my expenses. Questions about the unknown began to flood my brain: How does unemployment work? Have I missed the filing deadline? What if I can’t afford to make my mortgage payments or to heat my home? What can I do to bring in some extra income that doesn’t require leaving the house?

I took a good, hard look at my indefinite financial reality and quickly learned the importance of maintaining and sticking to a budget, understanding my debt, how and where I could make adjustments to keep my finances in check, and more. I found ways to cut costs (i.e. I could take 5 trips to the local dump for less than half of one week’s garbage pickup, wild right?!), and accepted the superficial sacrifices I would have to make.

Gratitude for my job was top-of-mind when I first started, but over time I became complacent and took it, and my steady income, for granted. Thankfully, my lay-off was temporary and I was asked to return just a few weeks later, but the experience was a rude awakening and impactful lesson, and I realized how lucky I was. Regardless, COVID changed my perspective, and my attitude, when it comes to steady employment and how I manage my finances.

2. I learned to take time.

Between being laid off and subsequently working from home, I’ve had so much time this year to reflect. I miss traveling, going to a restaurants, hugging friends, visiting family, not wearing a mask, and countless other things that, until now, I also had taken for granted. I’ll never look at that kind of personal freedom the same way again.

I also never dreamed that I would have SO much time to myself! I will confess, at first it was a bit like a dream. I had all this time and space to myself, and no real obligations anymore since appointments and plans were cancelled. At times it did get lonely though, and that loneliness just crushes your soul. Thank goodness for Erin.

I took this time to practice just being in the moment. I was able to recognize and appreciated tiny moments of peace, familiar sounds, subtle beauty, video chats, and Erin snuggles. I became so thankful for these little moments that I began searching for them each day.

I took time to rediscover things that made my soul happy, like reading, writing, and walking. I wrote about them in a blog.

I took time to practice self care. I was gentle with myself as I struggled through my COVID-induced depression. I took a free, non-credit course about happiness at Yale. I found Facebook groups and Instagram accounts with the sole purpose of empowering, motivating, and supporting other women. I took time to find pieces of me that had gotten loss amongst the chaos that COVID brought to the world. Most importantly though, I took time to breathe deeply, and love so much it hurt.

3. I learned that I can overcome fear.

I was scared a lot this year. I was afraid of getting sick, or that those I loved would get sick. I was scared that my new homeownership adventure would be too much for me to handle. I was scared that Erin and I wouldn’t be a good fit. I was scared to start my own business. I was scared that working remotely would hinder my job performance. I was scared I wouldn’t make it through Sam’s, then Gordon’s passing. I was scared of letting others down, and letting myself down. I was scared that my mental, physical, and emotional health would suffer. I was just plain SCARED. And that sucked.

I’m proud to say that I didn’t let fear overtake me, and I was able to accomplish several things during such a trying year:

  1. I, and my family, are currently safe and healthy.
  2. I love my little home.
  3. Erin and I are a PERFECT match.
  4. I started a blog to explore my joy of writing.
  5. I started my own business; I’m now an Independent Consultant for a Direct Sales company and I LOVE it.
  6. I navigated telecommuting and managing a team virtually, and feel more productive than ever.
  7. I’m not letting myself, or anyone else down as long as I’m doing the best I can.

Don’t get me wrong, some things still scare the living daylight out of me. Some things will just take longer for me to work through, and that’s okay; 2021 is another year to tackle them.

4. I learned to let things go.

It’s taken me some time to embrace this one since I’ve always considered myself as a bit of a pack-rat. I’ve had this mentality that, “if there isn’t anything wrong with it, there’s no reason to get rid of it,” or “if so-and-so found out I didn’t keep this, they would be so disappointed.” I’ve begun asking myself, what good does that thinking do? What good comes out of hanging onto things, or even people, that no longer make you happy or help you grow? Why keep anything that causes you pain, discomfort, or stress every time you see it? Cluttered house. Cluttered mind. Cluttered house.

I needed a mindset shift: If it no longer served me, it was time to bless and release it from my life.

It was easy to start clearing out clothing that didn’t fit and objects I hadn’t touched in years, but items with an emotional element were more challenging. After much practice, I learned that any item that sparks a negative reaction, even if it once brought me joy or tugged at a happy memory, is something I no longer need in my life (thank you Marie Kondo and minimalist concepts). Since I started letting more go, I’m finding myself generally lighter, more at ease, and happier. See ya, negativity!

5. I learned to trust that I am right where I should be.

I know I’ve said this before, but I’m saying it again: I trust that the universe is there to guide me to exactly where I should be. From opting to travel abroad in 2019 instead of 2020, to adopting Erin right before COVID hit hard (and shelters closed to the public), things seemed to align at just the right time this year, which makes me hopeful for what’s to come in 2021.

This year was hard; I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happy to see it go. So, here’s to a new year of growth, learning, and adventuring. Cheers!

Gratitude, Self Love

Saying goodbye to a piece of my heart

Amanda

If I had known how little time I still had with my handsome boy, I wonder if my post would have been written differently.

For the last couple years, Gordon has indulged in a warm, sloppy, mushy, mixture of soaked senior equine feed, alfalfa/timothy pellets, and bran twice a day. He could hear me coming before he could see me, and would whinny in impatience as I walked down the barn to deliver his meal. But that morning was different.

As I walked into the barn on June 8, I didn’t hear his familiar voice and I couldn’t see his head searching for me down the aisle way. It was a beautiful day, so I assumed he was still out in the pasture enjoying the sunshine.

But as I came closer, I saw Gordon’s body, lying completely still on the barn floor. My stomach sank and fear started to take over. I dropped the bucket with Gordon’s breakfast and ran, panicking as I called his name over and over with no response. I tore open the gate and with a single, startled movement he stood up and looked at me, confused. I placed my hand over my mouth and let tears stream down my face. I thought I had lost him. Relieved, I went over to snuggle with him for just a moment. But before I got to him he went back down. Something was wrong.

My veterinarian was out of town, so I hastily called several others in the area to see who I could get ahold of first. The first one I heard back from was a veterinarian who had helped me in several colic emergencies when I first brought Gordon home all those years ago. He was on his way. I had also called my mom, telling her that Gordon was down and the vet had been called. She left work to be with me, and it meant everything.

I stayed with him until the vet came. Gordon could barely stand and when he tried, he’d lay right back down. His eyes were hazy and he acted so confused. It was as if he didn’t know where he was. He wanted to eat but it was like he didn’t know how. He didn’t even give my mother a hard time, which he got particular enjoyment in doing. He seemed to still recognize me though – whenever I moved, he’d follow me with his tired eyes. My heart felt so full, but so broken because deep down I knew that I would be asked to say goodbye to half of my heart.

It was determined that my sweet boy had suffered from a neurological event, likely a stroke. There was nothing that could be done for him.

I knew what had to be done, but it didn’t make it any easier.

We laid Gordon to rest that morning, and buried him under a shady tree near the barn.

I don’t remember much about the rest of that day, or the days that followed. I remember feeling exhausted, lost, and empty. I remember trying to eat a granola bar in the front seat of my car, not knowing if I would be able to keep it down. I remember walking across the lawn to my parents house after burying him and needing my mother’s help to get there. I remember immeasurable sadness, knowing that I would never see him, hear him, or touch him again. I remember feeling so much pain, as if my heart, my soul, was actually breaking. I remember so many tears, tissues, and tight chests and headaches from crying so hard. I remember how beautiful that day was, and that he couldn’t have chosen a better one to leave this world, even though I begged him not to.

In situations like this, it can be so hard to know if you did the “right thing.” A horse that cannot stand, is a horse that cannot live. I am blessed because I know I made the right decision, and I will never take that for granted. I will never take the lessons Gordon taught me for granted. I will never take my family for granted.

I haven’t posted in months; it’s taken me as long to begin to function and process this new life without Gordon. It’s taken me months to even think about writing this post, let alone sit down and actually let the words flow through my fingers. I needed time to grieve, to think, to breathe, to move forward. Because I’ll never move on.

I want to give a special thanks to Chris Parfitt of Tassel Hill Veterinary Clinic for being so kind and taking such wonderful care of Gordon (and me) during his final hours. To my mother who is always there to support me emotionally, physically, mentally, and beyond. To my dad, uncle, and cousin who took such gentle care burying him and offering soft words of condolence. To the numerous friends and family members that understood how special our relationship was, and reached out offering their sentiments and support, while also giving me space to grieve. To my friend ReBecca, for the impromptu photo shoot a year or two ago that gave me beautiful & treasured photos that captured the essence of each of us. And, as silly as it sounds, to my pup Erin, for letting me cry without judgement and snuggle without fuss when I needed it.

I was very blessed to have loved Gordon for as long as I did. My heart still aches, the tears still come, but it’s gets a little easier as time goes by. I will continue to miss him for the rest of my life, but I am so lucky that I was given something so special to miss.

Gratitude, Happiness, Self Love

Tuesday Tip: Do more of what makes you happy

Amanda

May 26, 2020

Although I’ve been sharing motivational posts every Monday for the past several weeks, you may have noticed that I didn’t this week. Yesterday was Memorial Day, a day where we take time to honor, thank, and remember those who fought bravely and made the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of our freedom. I was also able to spend some much-needed time with my family.

I have to be honest, I felt a little guilty about not sharing one of my traditional Monday posts yesterday. However, I did not at all feel guilty about spending the time I would have spent writing, with my family taking advantage of the beautiful weather that the holiday weekend blessed us with. I was very happy, and realized how important it is that we all do more of what makes us happy, whenever we can. So this week, instead of a motivational Monday post, I’m substituting a Tuesday tip:

Do more of what makes you happy.

Please don’t misunderstand, writing for this blog makes me happy. I find much joy in sharing my thoughts and ideas with you, however I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to spend time with my family (which also makes me vastly happy). I don’t at all regret my decision, however I still felt a little guilty, so I worked to replace that guilt with gratitude toward the little experiences that happened over the weekend:

  • Taking morning walks with Erin.
  • Spending time and sharing meals with my family.
  • Watching birds; bluebirds, orioles, finches, cardinals, and more.
  • Drinking coffee on my parent’s porch.
  • Helping my mom plant her vegetable garden.
  • Remembering and being thankful for friends, past and present.
  • Catching up with my grandparents.
  • Watching more competitive baking shows (I told you I was addicted).
  • Curating content that inspires me.
  • Being mindful and grateful; being completely present while recognizing and understanding the importance of each fleeting moment.

I am so thankful for what this weekend offered me: happiness, love, family, support, comfort, gratitude, and more. It is so important for our well being to find happiness, to live happily, and to share in the happiness of others. Do more of what makes you happy; you won’t regret it.

Gratitude, Mindfulness, Self Love

My heart horse and the lessons he taught me

Amanda

I have always loved horses. I love their power, their grace, and their faces. When I was 11, my parents embraced my childhood adoration and signed me up for horseback riding lessons. My heart melted when I was introduced to the handsome lesson horse that would change my life as I knew it.

  • Gordon posing for the camera

Gordon was a chestnut brown quarter horse with an attitude, but he was an excellent teacher. He knew when to challenge his rider and when to encourage them, and he did it all at his own pace and in his own style. Gordon and I were both stubborn and strong-willed (which might be why we worked so well together) and loved each other with every ounce of our existence. When I fell off, he stood beside me until I got up. When he was scared, I did my best to be his courage. I felt divided when I wasn’t with him, and my best when I was. It was undeniable that our bond was strong and unique, and that it only made sense for me to have him. My heart chose him and his chose mine.

Now, nearly two decades later, I have no doubt that Gordon is, by every definition, my heart horse.

What is a heart horse? Let me try to explain.

Heart horses are rare and special. Some believe that heart horses are created for the sole purpose of making a specific person whole. They may not be incredibly beautiful, or experienced, or smart, but there is just something about that one horse that makes you feel complete. They challenge you, teach you, and reward you in just the right way and at just the right time. The bond is so strong that sometimes it physically hurts to imagine a life without them.

My heart horse taught me how to be patient, humble, and gentle, but also how to think on my toes and to be tough. He taught me the importance of staying calm and collected in stressful situations (colic, escapes, stitches, and beyond). He continues to teach me what it means to love unconditionally, that change is okay, and how to live in the moment.

While some equestrians will never find their heart horse, I was lucky enough to not only find mine, but to spend more than half of my life with him. Gordon has happily munched on hay, rolled in the grass, and made me laugh at my family’s barn for the past 19 years.

He’s an old man now and will be turning 32 in October (that’s around 96 in human years!). Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when I see his gray hairs or his rigid movements as his joints stiffen with age. I try to breathe deeply during these moments and remember what a wonderful life we’ve already shared together and what we have to look forward to despite whatever amount of time I still have with him. I’ll forever be grateful to the universe for bringing the two of us together, and allowing me to learn these important life lessons that only he could teach me.

  • Gordon with a mouthful of grass

Have you been blessed by a heart horse or other animal?

All photos featured in this blog post, except for the featured photo, were taken by the incredibly talented ReBecca from ReBecca’s Photography. Learn more.

Gratitude, Happiness, Motivation Monday

Motivation Monday: May 18, 2020

Amanda

“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.” – Napoleon Hill

I feel that many of us expect great things of ourselves in order to have a sense of fulfillment. For some, it may be getting a degree from an ivy league school, a big promotion, or becoming a celebrity, for others it could be finding a cure for cancer, ending poverty, or winning a Nobel Prize. Each of these things means a something different to everyone, and it’s in no way wrong to want or strive for these things. It’s good to have goals, and if these are yours, I give you major kudos for working hard and following your dreams.

I’ve always felt that greatness doesn’t need to be a reflection of the money, titles, or popularity one has. Being great and doing great is so much more than that and I refuse to believe otherwise.

I’m confident that I will not find a cure for cancer or win a Nobel Prize, and that’s okay. To me, as long as I do my best in whatever it is I’m doing, big or small, I can be proud. And if I can make someone else’s life better or easier by going above and beyond what is expected of me, that’s when I know doing a small thing in a great way for another. That makes me feel great, too.

Work toward your goals and set out to accomplish what makes your life feel good and fulfilling, but don’t feel that doing great has to be big. Like Hill says, small things can be done in a great way, which can be just as powerful and meaningful to someone as the “big” stuff.

This week’s practice

This week, find one small thing and commit to doing it in a great way. Take a little extra time to review that report or add something extra your client isn’t expecting. Be exceptionally courteous to the cashier at the supermarket and thank them for their dedication to their work and commitment to helping others during the pandemic. Do the small things in a great way, and own it.

Gratitude, Mindfulness, Motivation Monday

Motivation Monday: May 11, 2020

Amanda

One of my favorite units in grade school was the Monarch Butterfly unit. My classmates and I learned about metamorphosis and the life cycles of insects. We watched our temporary class caterpillar pets chomp on milkweed and climb up the side of their butterfly habitat to form their chrysalis. Days later, we would watch in awe as each emerged as a beautiful, delicate butterfly, and we’d released them in the school flower garden when they were strong enough to fly.

A couple years ago, I recreated this project after I found a caterpillar near my apartment. Looking back on it now though, I was so excited to see a brand new butterfly that I completely ignored the profound changes it was going through; they make it all look so easy. It reminded me of a quote by Maya Angelou,

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.“

So often we get caught up in the glamor and glory of the “endgame,” and we forget the importance of the process. Why don’t we naturally love it just as much as the outcome? Change takes time; it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes work, determination, and the right mindset. It takes patience, acceptance, and the ultimate understanding that the process is often times more astounding than the beauty of the outcome. Change is inevitable, but it’s not as easy as the caterpillar makes it seem. Enjoy the ride; look forward to the beauty of the endgame, but don’t forget to acknowledge and appreciate the challenges of the transformation.

This week’s practice

This week, I hope you take some time to acknowledge the importance of whatever changes you are working through. Not only that, but appreciate the importance and beauty of the process of making those changes. With every change comes growth and opportunity. Don’t waste it!

Gratitude, Happiness, Motivation Monday, Self Love

Motivation Monday: April 27, 2020

Amanda

How about a little love for this Monday?! Karen Clodfelder has a heartwarming thought about love:

As we grow older together, as we continue to change with age, there is one thing that will never change…I will always keep falling in love with you.

Don’t we all want someone who makes it easy to fall in love with again and again, and have the same in return? That’s what we’re striving for, right? Not for all of us. I think, now more than ever, we need to remind ourselves that it’s just as important to continue falling in love with ourselves too. Through challenges, change, growth, and beyond, we aren’t the same person we were two, ten, or twenty years ago. Our principles and experiences make us genuinely unique, and we deserve to be loved by ourselves unconditionally.

This week’s practice

This week, I hope you celebrate yourself. Spend a few minutes every day recognizing and acknowledging how extraordinary you are. You’ve changed, triumphed, witnessed, and accomplished so much already; you deserve so much self-respect. Give your insecurities and inner critic a break, indefinitely.

Gratitude, Loveliness, Mindfulness

Motivation Monday: April 20, 2020

Amanda

Happy Monday! I’d like to share another quote from Buddha for this week’s #MotivationMonday. This quote speaks about the power of truth and kindness; both are free, so why don’t we use them more often?

When words are both kind and true, they can change our world.

I hope this week brings you words of kindness from unexpected places.

This week’s practice

This week, I’d like to ask you to use five minutes of each day to meditate on using words as a vehicle for kindness, friendship, and support. Consider especially, opportunities where kindness will be needed, but difficult to express. Difficult times, and difficult people, are the often the most in need of kindness.

Gratitude, Happiness, Mindfulness, Self Love

How an earring taught me to take my own advice

Amanda

I bought a pair of earrings when I was in Reykjavík, Iceland last November from the Rammagerdin gift shop inside Perlan. I loved the contrast between the cool silver hoop and the raw lava rock, and how it reflected Iceland’s landscape. I thought the accessory was sweet, delicate, and it totally complemented my sense of style. There was no question, I had to have them.

I wore them as often as I could until the inevitable happened, I lost one (I bet this isn’t the first time you’ve heard that, and I can almost guarantee that it won’t be the last).

I was distraught. I retraced my steps. I called the offices and businesses I visited that day hoping that someone might have found it and turned it in. I combed through receipts from my time in Reykjavík looking for a clue to find another pair. I looked online for another set to purchase. Every effort came up short.

As I put the lone survivor in my jewelry cabinet I tried to accept that I wouldn’t find its partner and wrestled with the idea of not wearing the set again. I thought about my Motivation Monday post from earlier this week and what I loved about the accessory. Then it hit me: It wasn’t the earrings themselves that I loved.

I loved the earrings because of how they made me feel and how they reminded me of how special my trip was.

Those earrings represented an extraordinary trip with my mother, grandmother, and family friend. We laughed, got lost, and enjoyed each others’ company as we experienced the wonders of Iceland (and Ireland) together. Thinking about the experiences we had, the people we met, and (of course) the food we ate brought me happiness, and every time I wore those earrings those feelings returned.

This photo was taken at Blarney Castle in Ireland, another stop on our trip together.

I realized that I didn’t need to have a pair of earrings to remind myself of the trip and continue feeling that happiness. I decided to take my own advice and redirect my energy into something creative and productive.

Instead of obsessing that I no longer had a pair of earrings to wear, I added a chain to the remaining earring and made it into a necklace.

It still reminds me of my travels and gives me the same feelings of excitement and happiness I had when it was an earring. It still represents Iceland, I can still wear it as often as I’d like, it still complements my style, and I still love it. Let’s just hope I don’t lose this, too!

Gratitude, Motivation Monday, Self Love

Motivation Monday: March 30, 2020

Amanda

I wanted to share a quote from Buddha for my first #MotivationMonday. The world could always use a little extra love.

In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you loved, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.

I hope this week fills your soul with happiness, comfort, and purpose.

This week’s practice

This week, I ask that you take five minutes each day to meditate on a particular moment where you felt love. Acknowledge that feeling and thank its source. Was it from a kind word or gesture from a family member, friend, colleague, or a complete stranger? Was it from the pure bliss of a nice day or a happy pet? Did you do something good for another? Take some time to really feel the love.